The Way I Am
by nayariveraisallthat
Summary: Somewhat AU. Just something that popped into my head. Pretty much just Beca telling about how Chloe is changing her for the better. Jesse is Beca's older brother in this. Beca x Chloe relationship.


**A.N.: This is another one-shot that just popped into my head.**

**I'm not really sure how to describe what this is, but I will explain a few things that you may have a few questions about. In this story, Jesse is Beca's older brother by three years. This story is also sort of something to help me cope with a few things that have actually happened to me, so this story is coming from my heart. I hope you enjoy it!**

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I am the way I am because of the environment that I grew up in. It may sound like one of those lame-ass, cliche excuses in every lame-ass, cliche romantic book and movie, but it's the truth.

I grew up around yelling and silence. Constant screaming matches between my mom and my dad and that peaceful silence at the end of the day because they finally got tired of yelling at each other. One minute we would be fine and watching this family movie that none of us had any interest in watching in the first place. I would watch it with them because at least it gives them an excuse not to yell at each other for two hours. But then, when the movie is over, they go back to either ignoring each other or screaming at each other. Constant yelling and silence.

I discovered music at around thirteen when my brother, Jesse, took me to the music store that he worked at. This is how Jesse protected me. Once he got his license, he got me out of the house as much as he could because he knew that all of the yelling and anger and bullshit was harming the way I see the world. He could somehow foresee that I would become this bitter, sarcastic shell of a human being.

I discovered music when I was looking at the vinyl records that the store held and Jesse's boss had told me to put a Beatles album on the record player in the back of the store. Don't ask me which one because I don't remember. I just remember that it was a Beatles album. Contrary to popular belief, not everyone is a fan of the Beatles. I did not like the music that came out of the record and I immediately made that known. Despite not liking the Beatles though, I really enjoyed the way the music sounded coming from the record player. So Jesse's boss told him to carry the record player and about five of the best records that he could find out to his car so I could listen to them at home. I don't know what possessed the guy to do that, and I don't care. Maybe he saw that someday I would need music as much as I do. Maybe he actually listened to Jesse when he ranted about our parents and cared about the both of us enough to give me the gift of music. Either way, I thank that guy everyday for showing me how great music is.

But no matter how much I love music, it doesn't keep me from being this bitter, sarcastic shell of a human being.

The only thing that saves me from myself is my girlfriend, Chloe.

Chloe Beale is the most amazing human being to ever grace the earth. She's got flaming red hair, piercing blue eyes, and the bubbliest personality that I've ever come across. Chloe seems to be able to tell what I'm thinking or feeling without ever having to hear a word out of my mouth.

There are also times when she knows what I'm feeling and doesn't just hold me like she usually does. She makes me talk about it. Chloe knows that there are times when I need to keep things to myself, but she also knows that I need to let it all out. Not that she complains about it. She usually complains that I don't open up as much as she would like considering we've been dating for the past three years. I'm working on it, though. I'm working on letting her in because I know that sooner or later, she's going to get tired of me being so closed off, so bitter and angry. She's made me happier since the day she burst into my shower and I need to start showing that to her more.

Every time I'm around Chloe, I just forget about all of the shit that has happened in my life. I forget about the yelling and all of the nights that I fell asleep crying because of all of the yelling. She makes me laugh and she is the most adorable person I have every seen in my entire life. I promise you that I am not exaggerating.

There is also the fact that Chloe infiltrates my every thought. I think about her when I should be thinking about whatever homework my professors gave me that day. She influences every new mix that I make and I don't usually ever realize it until I've finished the mix.

I'm starting to open up more to not just Chloe, but to my other friends - because yes, I have made a lot more friends that I have ever really imagined that I would - as well. And it's all because this one girl decided I was worth the risk of heartbreak. That is one big reason why I love Chloe as much as I do. She took a chance on me even though she knew that there was no guarantee that her heart would come out of this unscathed. I love her more and more every day.

I am the way that I am because of the environment that I grew up in. However, I'm slowly beginning to change into someone I have secretly always wanted to be.


End file.
